For me my life is split into two parts. Who I was before my divorce and who I became after. My life before was always going a hundred miles an hour and full of multitasking. How could it not be with four kids who were just as active as I was.

Divorce tore apart all the things I thought I knew about my life. It made me question myself. I knew I had to pick up the pieces but after 25 years who I started as no longer existed. I had become a mother and a wife. I had become   part of a family. There was no me and I had to find me again. When you feel like you are starting at the bottom, finding anything that feels beautiful is hard. I went from feeling like I could accomplish anything to having nothing and knowing I had to find a way to start over. How was I going to figure out who I was?

When I say I had nothing, I mean I had nothing. I felt like I was splurging when I bought myself another journal. This one was different than the journals I have been keeping since I was eight years old. This small orange, plain looking, blank book would help me in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. I called it my gratitude book. I used it to find the good when I felt like there wasn’t much good in my life. I made a rule for myself. I must write in it everyday and no two days could I be thankful for the same thing. The first week or so was easy because you can go through all of the generic things, like your kids and home and the food in the house. But after that it gets harder. I had to actually look for the good so I would have something to write down. I focused on finding the good. Sometimes when I would have a really rough day, and I couldn’t find the words, I would take my camera and go for a walk. It was easier to see beauty through my camera than with my eyes sometimes. I grew to love my adventures and would go looking for beauty even without having a rough day.

 I met people that helped me along the way. They would offer ideas of places I should explore or the best vantage point for a picture. One person in particular change my whole perspective. He didn’t take me to magical places or amazing views. He told me to just stand on the pier and wait. “Just be quiet and keep watching” “what I am looking for?” I didn’t understand. I saw the everyday people walking by with their faces intently focused on their phones, and the kids playing in the sand. I had no idea what he could think was here that I would need to take a picture of. And then, along came a seagull. The beach is full of seagulls. The come in all sizes and shades of grey and brown but this one was different, this seagull only had one leg.  I watched him hopping along the shore and only rarely interacting with the other seagulls. He did things in his own way but was thriving just like the other seagulls. No one was watching or even noticed him. I only saw him because I slowed down and waited. In that moment I saw a beauty that I had never seen before.

 I went home and wrote how grateful I was for that one legged seagull and that we can all do things in our own way. That it was ok for me to do things my own way. If he could thrive, so could I.

I am horrible at slowing down and yet I had to sit quietly looking for my beautiful or I never would have experienced that glimpse into his world. There was a beach full of busy people all going about their life who didn’t see him. And yet when I needed it most, I had a person come into my life just long enough to help me learn how to stop, slow my hundred mile an hour life down and really look for beautiful things.  I have taken pictures of beautiful sunsets and traveled all over to take pictures but who would have guessed that my favorite would be of a not so common, very plain looking, one legged brown seagull.